planting and uprooting

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about where we will go after Brad is done with school. So far, I have no clear answers, and neither does he. We have basic ideas, and some doors are opening, but none of them seem to have that flashing neon “OPEN” sign we’re hoping for. Nothing seems completely certain yet, which, even after living much of the last two years in uncertainty, is still a tough place to find myself. I don’t do well with not knowing.

I think the Lord’s working on that with me, though. Teaching me that it’s okay not to know – that it’s sometimes good not to know. If I knew, would that change things in the here and now? Would I give my all, or would I hold back, knowing it was temporary? (Wise words given by a wise friend to me lately)

You know, I don’t want to be one to hold back. Actually I’m not very good at that, truth told. I dive in head-first. I want to do everything I’m supposed to do where I am, and not potentially leave with regrets that I didn’t. I fall in love and grow attachments much too easily sometimes. I did that where we lived before – and  I’ve been trying really hard not to do that here. Even the shallowest of roots suffer when pulled up, and honestly, my roots are still tender from the last uprooting. So I’ve avoided it as much as possible, which in some ways is good, but in others has left me feeling a bit wilted, for lack of a better term. I think that’s probably why I’m finding myself so hyper-focused on where we will be in the near future. I’m feeling my roots being scorched by the sun a bit, and feeling that need for a bit of stability and nurturing that only planting gives.

Planting – that seems to be another focus of my thoughts. Brad feels pretty led towards church planting. I have no idea what that might involve – but I love the idea of it. I love the idea of growing from a little body of believers, maybe in our living room somewhere at first, into a thriving, loving church serving our God. I could throw myself head-first into that. I can see that.

But, like I said, I don’t really know where we will end up or what we will end up doing afterwards. Internship opportunities are beginning to present themselves now, and I’m praying that the Lord will give us clear directions towards the right one. I’m also praying that He will give us the strength to go where He asks us to go – no matter how difficult it might be – and no matter how hard it might be…and that when the time comes, I’ll be ready to put down roots once again and grow, no matter how temporary it might be.

It’ll be very interesting to see what the next couple of months bring.